Joan Frances Moran is a regular columnist for Women of Power Magazine
Are we having Fun yet?
How many times have you been invited to lunch, or dinner, to a club or to the movies with high expectations about what will happen? How fun it will be! Getting together with the girls or in a mixed group will be a blast! Even meeting new people will be amazing.
And then, sometime in the middle of the gathering, the people, the place all turned out to be a disappointment and you can’t understand what went wrong. You thought you were going to have a great time, have fun, and be light and breezily conversant. But the party never got started for you.
Were you too worried about everything? Did you have a pre-plan in mind and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to? Were your expectations too high? Were you focusing on what should happen instead on what was happening? Was your negative energy seeping through your stylish dress, your 4-inch heels and perfect Mac makeup?
We’ve all had the idea that having fun is simply retail bliss. Fun can be had for the purchase of the right clothing, shoes and jewelry. And how perfectly plucked are your eyebrows! And yet, the need to get your endorphins pumping and go with the flow of the crowd seemed to have eluded you.
Instead of having fun, you were overtaken by the virus of unconscious negativity. Without even knowing it, your mind was unconsciously sending out negative thoughts and feelings. How can that be? You didn’t start out feeling negative and you certainly didn’t expect a negative outcome.
Harboring negative feelings and outcomes it a very common way of coping with life. It’s your default position. But if you find yourself trying to have fun and not succeeding, not relating in any a positive manner, it might be a significant moment to consciously assess your what you are feeling in relation to what you are experiencing in the immediate present. That awareness is called emotional intelligence – a state of mind that gives you power to change your unconscious, negative mindset.
The battle between the negative and the positive isn’t sparked by the words or actions of others; it doesn’t happen because of what did or didn’t happen at the party or event. Your negative reaction is fueled by your mind – a mind that unconsciously gives negativity way too much importance.
You see, but you don’t see really. You pretend to feel, but your emotions do not come from a place of authenticity. Fun eludes you because your mindset, unconscious though it is, resides out of the framework of the present.
And this negative perspective on life translates into resistance, and resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It prevents you from living in the moment and connecting to the source of your real emotions – your heart. Resistance makes you less than who you were born to be.
And that is unfortuante because it allows you make excuses for not being the rock star you were meant to be. As a result, unconscious negative messages surface: I’m too old, I’m too fat, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough. I’m too whatever it is that takes you out of the present moment and causes you not to have fun.
How do you change this mental construct and go from the unconscious negative to the conscious positive so that you are having the best time of your life wherever you are whatever you are doing?
One of the best techniques to enjoy life to the fullest is to consciously make a note to self: It’s not about trying to do everything and be everything; it’s about making the very best of what you have while enjoying the process of living.
And most importantly, live without judgment and without labeling (this is fun, this is not fun, this is good, this is bad). That mindset is negative and self-sabotaging.
It’s always preferable to make the best use of available resources – your time, energy and efforts – and use them to internalize positive change. Available resources include your beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes and behavior – your entire goodie basket of who you are and how you present yourself.
From a mindset of positivity, you are free to experience joy and feel the pleasures of having fun with a greater sense of authenticity, purpose and empowerment.